


old enough to not pretend

by dabblingDilettante



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Gen, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:20:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21769012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dabblingDilettante/pseuds/dabblingDilettante
Summary: Lysithea and Claude have a little talk about gender.
Relationships: Lysithea von Ordelia & Claude von Riegan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 52
Collections: FE3H Holiday Gift Exchange





	old enough to not pretend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [samariumwriting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/samariumwriting/gifts).



> A Treat for the FE3H gift exchange.  
> I love trans stuff and I love trans Claude and also I noticed you like family Deer things, so I took a personal HC of mine and popped it together with trans Claude times. It's indulgent on my part, but I hope you get a little enjoyment out of it too.

“What’cha doing over there, shortstack?”

Claude always managed to catch Lysithea when they tried to spy on him. Even if it was only for a moment, even if they were just walking past down the hall, he seemed to catch the burn of their gaze and turn around to start harassing them.

Even today, seeing him pulling a shirt over another tighter binding, they couldn’t bring themself to spit it out.

Even with one earring in, they had seen the hole in his other ear. The way he’d sometimes look too long in the mirror, as if seeking out a hint of stubble. How he dove into the lake fully decked out in his officer’s uniform rather than trying to change when they visited over a short weekend break.

“I’m looking at a jerk who doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut,” Lysithea muttered. They took the subsequent head ruffle without much comment, snorting instead of going on a usual tirade.

Even knowing that something had to be true made it hard to believe it was possible. Being wrong – Claude wasn’t the kind of person to get mad about it, but the thought of a rift between them made Lysithea hesitate every time. If it meant he stopped noticing and calling out Lysithea’s name, or stupid nicknames. The thought was paralyzing.

“Claude. I have a question for you,” Lysithea says, one day.

“Incredible,” he says, turning all attention on them. “I’ve finally been decreed worthy of House Ordelia’s attention. Please, I am all yours.”

“Okay, if you’re playing it that way, I’ll be going now.”

Claude hops up to stop Lysithea, standing in front of them with a wide grin. “I’m not playing at all. Come on, Lys, hit me.”

The way he says ‘Lys’ makes their heart skip a beat. “I won’t beat around the bush.” Despite themselves, they simply ask, “Why are both your ears pierced?”

“When engaged in a duel with a sword-master, my opponent managed to stab me twice. Once, in each lobe. It was very impressive.”

“Claude,” they mutter, like a warning.

“It’s nothing special. Just happened when I was a kid.” At that, he sits down, and Claude’s face slides into calm mystery. “It was normal in my country for kids like me to have both ears pierced. That’s all.”

“I see,” they say. Lysithea bites the inside of their cheek. A runabout answer. “Fine. Then why are you so obsessed with facial hair?”

“Hey, do you know any guys around here that aren’t worried about looking their best? If I don’t look the part, next thing I know, I’ll be overthrown and assassinated, and that’d be a nasty party.”

Frustration grows in their gut. “You jumped into the lake after everyone without changing. And …” Their voice drops to a whisper. “I’ve seen the binding gear you wear underneath your shirt.”

Claude doesn’t give an inch. “You know how it can be, right? Sometimes you get a lot of wounds when fighting. I can’t show off my weaknesses to everyone in the house, it’d be demoralizing.”

“Claude … you must know what I’m asking,” Lysithea says. “We both know you’re too smart for this.”

“Yeah,” he finally says. “I know. But it’s hard for me to say unless you give up some ground to me, in return. A chess game isn’t fun if it isn’t competitive, Lys.”

Lysithea bites their lip, face crumpled behind long hair. “I don’t know that I have anything to give,” they mumble.

“Then just talk to me about how you feel,” he says. “We’re friends, aren’t we? Just casually chatting.”

“…you know I’m sick somewhat often,” Lysithea says. “I try to hide it, but I assume everyone knows at this point. I imagine people are used to see me sitting on the stairs when trying to make my way around the school and up to the library.” They wait for his nod and continue. “My body often does not feel like it is my own for a variety of reasons, and that is one of them. But there are other reasons.” They look at their hands. “After everything that happened to me as a child. I don’t relate strongly to other people, sometimes. I feel it makes me rather … blunt, at times.”

“And rude at others,” Claude says. When they glare at him, they see the wry smile on his face, and feel themself soften. “But that’s been good for the rest of us. Your honesty is what makes this house what it is.”

“Right,” Lysithea says. “But it also means I don’t feel connected to much of anything else, either. Be it nobility, or business, or marriage. All I’ve truly cared about is magic, and much of that is because it is the most I can do with a frail body. It also means I don’t feel very connected to … this uniform. My voice.” They pause. “I don’t hate it. I don’t hate having long hair, either. I don’t care for bothering with haircuts. But I don’t like the fact that everyone just calls me a girl for it. …or that they think the way to respond when I get frustrated is to call me a young woman.”

“Oh,” he says.

“My problem is I don’t know what’s really me and what is just … trauma and sickness. If I’m fine with my voice, what does it matter how people perceive me? If I’m so sick so much of the time, who is to say that my discomfort with my body and the shape it takes isn’t borne of that alone? I don’t know where I stand, after living the life I have, and … more than anything, I’m scared of wasting my time on something other people would say is meaningless. They look up to my magic. My skill. I don’t think they’d admire my questioning of gender or womanhood.”

For a time, Claude is silent. Then, he whistles. “You’ve got me beaten out again, Lys. Just another thing you’ve considered way more than I ever did.” He meets her eyes. “You’re right, by the way. I am trans. They pierced my ears when I was born, but I figured it was a waste to not use that when it looked so good on me anyway.” He looks at the ceiling. “Though the part about the lake is true. I can’t afford to have people asking questions about me. Even with everyone in this house. I would like to say I trust everyone, but I don’t trust most people in the Alliance. I’m sure for every person who thinks it isn’t an issue, there’s five more who would love to use it as another reason to kick me out of the country.”

“I shouldn’t be complaining to you,” Lysithea mutters. “I figured it was a more dire issue for you. I’m just …”

“Also trans,” he says. “Or whatever you’d like to call yourself. Lys, I am sorry because I can’t understand where you’re coming from. That’s not at all my experience, and to be honest, I don’t envy you at all. I’m sorry. But I’m happy to know about it. I’m happy to meet more people here, in this country, that are also … you know.” Claude rubs the back of his head. “We’re complicated people. Maybe my early life shaped the fact that I came out, too. I always had an inkling, honestly.”

“And I can’t remember a time before the experiments,” Lysithea murmurs. “I don’t know if I was born this way or if it made me become like this.”

“But it’s real,” Claude says. “It’s the reality in your mind and body. Being born anyway doesn’t decide who you are. Whether we’re rich or poor. Mixed or not. Everything. Us being the way we are is another sign of what we’re fighting for and why we’re at this school. There’s a lot at stake for us because of it. But since you were willing to be that vulnerable, you know I’m on your side.”

Lysithea nods. “Thank you. Claude.” They get up to leave, no further in understanding, but at the slightest bit more ease. “And thank you for calling me Lys. I like that a lot.”

He grins. “I’m a perceptive man, shortstack.”


End file.
